about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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