Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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