This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
