apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
