I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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