This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
