thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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