So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
