before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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