Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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