Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
