Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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