anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
