my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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