I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
it's like iHOP with fire
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
