I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
