He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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