besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I have aggressive nipples.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
