but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
