he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
