foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
