it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
