Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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