I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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