her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
