I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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