The brown eye won't let me do that either.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
