Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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