Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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