i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
