I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
