I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
How external is "for external use only"?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
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