If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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