Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm at about main and main street
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
