Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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