you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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