Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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