he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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