Welp...herpes.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
