hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
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I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
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Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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