and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
