tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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