I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize