i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
