i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
false alarm, still single
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
