do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This can only be settled by a dance off.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
