My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
