..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
