I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
