Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
