Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize