Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
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I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
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You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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