because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
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my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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