I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize