Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
