dude i'm inner monologue high
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
