One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
