You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
