Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
