planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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