Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
