He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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