I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I am one with the molecules
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
