piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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