The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
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Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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