Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Pants are for mortals
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
